Picture this: You’ve had a long day, your to-do list is still half-complete, and your child is upset over something seemingly small—maybe a toy they can’t find or a snack they didn’t get. Suddenly, you feel yourself getting irritated, snapping at them or raising your voice before you even realize it. Later, you wonder why you got so frustrated over something so minor.
We’ve all been there. As parents, it's easy to think we're reacting to our children’s behavior, but more often than not, we’re actually reacting to our own internal emotions—stress, fatigue, anxiety—that have been simmering all day. When we don’t connect with what we’re feeling first, we end up transferring those emotions to our kids. They become the recipients of our frustration, and their small actions suddenly seem much bigger than they are.
The challenge is that managing our children’s emotions often starts with managing our own. And when we’re already overwhelmed, that can feel nearly impossible. But the good news is, there are steps we can take to stop this cycle and create more meaningful, calm interactions with our kids. It starts with connecting to ourselves first.
Here’s how:
- Pause and Breathe: It sounds simple, but in reality, it requires immense inner strength—but it does get easier with consistent practice. Before you find yourself reacting in the heat of the moment—whether it's a tantrum, a spilled mess, or a defiant "no"—pause. Take a deep breath. Giving yourself this brief moment to reset can be incredibly powerful. It interrupts your automatic stress response and gives you the clarity to handle the situation with a calm, more focused mindset.
- Check-in With Your Own Emotions: Now that you've stopped the automatic stress response with a pause.... Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Are you anxious? Frustrated? Disappointed? Recognizing your emotions can help you understand why you’re reacting the way you are. Often, we think we’re reacting to our children’s behavior, but in reality, we’re reacting to our own internal emotions. If we don’t connect to what we’re feeling inside, we end up transferring those emotions to our children. They become the recipients of our frustration, and what they see is often not equal to the severity of their behavior. By identifying our emotions, we prevent ourselves from taking it out on them.
Parenting from Within: To break free from reacting to external pressures, it's essential to start parenting from within. This means becoming aware of the emotions, thoughts, and expectations that pull at us from the outside—the to-do lists, the stress, the judgments of others—and instead, focusing on what’s happening internally. What is driving your reaction? When you can identify this, you can start responding from a place of calm rather than being pulled by unmanageable external factors.
By following these steps, we can begin to shift from reactive parenting to intentional parenting. This is what it means to practice mindful and conscious parenting—where our actions are driven not by external chaos, but by an internal sense of calm and connection. When we parent from within, we model emotional regulation and empathy, allowing our children to feel heard and understood. In turn, they learn how to manage their own emotions, creating healthier, more connected relationships within the family.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. Parenting is a journey of growth—both for you and your child. By learning to pause, reflect, and connect with your own emotions first, you’re not just managing the chaos, you’re transforming it. Each time you take that moment to breathe, you’re modeling emotional strength and resilience for your children.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up with intention, compassion, and presence. So, the next time things get tough, remind yourself that every pause is a step toward a deeper connection with your child—and a better, calmer version of yourself. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes, and the more you’ll see your family thrive.
You’ve got the power to change the way you parent, and with that, the power to shape a more peaceful, loving home. Start today—one breath at a time.
You've got this,
Dalene
At dōsyna Collective, we help parents learn these essential skills, offering practical, evidence-based tools to foster deeper connections with themselves and their children. This approach to parenting lays the foundation for emotional well-being and strengthens the bonds that matter most.